How to Manage Aggressive Behavior in Teens

A colleague of mine, Adam Jones, has been working with aggressive and troubled teens for years. He is the president of the Harbor House Foundation, "a ministry that contributes it's resources to the health and well being of parents and students."

Adam learned very important truths for managing defiant and aggressive behavior in teens through the years of working with struggling and aggressive youth. I had the privilege of corresponding with him a couple days ago. I asked him, "If you had to choose, what are the top 3 ways that a parent or guardian can manage a teen's aggressive and defiant behavior?"
Over time we will learn more about how these strategies help you in your home, and also how they actually apply even if you are doing everything right.

Here are the three tips we believe help an aggressive teen. It has to do mainly with how you interact and what things you do or say as the parent. Your response alone can either make or break a conversation with your teen. With that knowledge, this can really benefit and build your relationship with your teen. It can also hurt it.

The Parent Must Control Themselves
A parent has to control themselves or the conversation or argument with their teen WILL get out of control. A lot of the time, or most of the time, adolescents push their parent's buttons. For some it is intentional, and for some it isn't. Some teens act defiant and rebellious because they are wanting your to respond quickly and out of anger. As a parent, you cannot let your teen's rebellious behavior ignite you.

If you are always arguing with your teen, or if you lose your cool because your teen is not obeying at all, your teen just learned how to respond to situations that don't go their way. Whether you see it or not, your teens look to you as an example, and a lot of the time, their words won't tell you that.

The Parent Must Recognize Potential Aggressiveness in Their Teen
We'll talk about this more in future articles so that you will be able to fully understand the signs of aggression and how to identify and use them to your advantage. Have you ever heard of WAVE? These are the signs of potential aggression in teens. WAVE stands for: wind up, agitation, verbal abuse, and explosion.

The Parent Must Remove Themselves if They Are the Source of the Problem
A teen becomes very defiant and aggressive if their parents don't control themselves and if their parents are instigating and not setting a good example. A parent that instigates their child is the worst ingredient for managing aggressive behavior, because instigation simply ignites aggressive behavior.

There are three areas that need addressing as well in aggressive teens. They are prevention, intervention, and post-vention. These are times that the parent intervenes. Which time is best? While they are yelling, before, or after?